Below is a testimonial I shared with the parishioners in Blessed Sacrament Church during the August Parish Retreat and I would like to share it with you too:
My
name Eileen means Light, and I always strive to be the light of Christ through
service to Him in church and trying my best to be a good Catholic. Hence, serving
God has always been a big part of my life. In my sharing with the youth during
catechism classes and Antioch, I always shared about how we are called as
Catholics to be the light of the world, and we should prioritize God as
our Number One in our lives and He will take care of us, just as how He has
blessed me with great parents and siblings, a loving husband who cares for me,
who is my pillar of faith and who is also active in church together with me.
God has also blessed me with a good career and wonderful friends.
However,
the most challenging moment in my life, or rather in Justin's and my life as a
couple, was our difficulty to conceive. Justin and I married 12 years ago in
2003 and we tried to conceive since then but without success despite seeing
various gynaecologists. As each year passed by, our hope of being parents
diminished and we were on the verge of giving up. But whenever I chanced upon
the Bible passages about the great women in the Bible who were barren, such as
Abraham’s wife, Sarah, and Jacob’s wife, Rachel, who were eventually blessed by
God to conceive children, I always wondered if I would one day be remembered by
God, and have a chance to be blessed by Him to have my own children.
Then
in September 2013, Justin and I attended the Parish Renewal Experience (PRE).
During the retreat, we offered our difficulties to conceive to our Lord Jesus
and somehow through the retreat, we realised that we have been praying
individually but not together as a couple to ask our Lord for His mercy and
blessings. Since then, we prayed together every night, especially the rosary,
to ask Mother Mary to intercede for us.
Two
months later, we found out that I was pregnant! We were overjoyed to finally
have a chance to be first-time parents after a 10-year wait! We thanked our
Lord for answering our prayers, and after some thought and prayer, we decided
to name the child after Archangel Raphael, whose name means ‘God heals”. As it
was a baby girl, we named her Raphaelle (with an additional 'le'). Later, we
realised that the name Raphael ‘God Heals’ was so apt for our baby girl because
at my 11th week pregnancy scan, we were informed by the gynaecologist that
our baby suffered from a rare fatal condition called Acrania (i.e. absence of
part of the skull), and the baby would not survive a few hours, or at most a
few days, outside the womb once delivered.
This
was an extremely heartbreaking news for the both of us. We felt so sad and
helpless and wondered why God chose to give us a gift of life, only to take it
away from us later. We were told that we had 2 options, to continue the
pregnancy or to abort the baby as the outcome was definitely fatal. Justin and
I made our decision very quickly to continue the pregnancy and go through this
difficult journey together because of our Catholic beliefs and also, we could
hear the baby’s heartbeat so clearly during the ultrasound scan. Abortion would
be an easy option for us but it would also be a selfish option. As what
the Archbishop mentioned today, “Abortion is against life”. We knew that the
child is a precious life given to us by God, and we hoped that we could still
be good parents to our unborn child.
We
went to see Fr. Anthony immediately after hearing the devastating news and he
was very kind to see us even though it was his day off. We remembered clearly
his words: “Everyone will have to die someday. Some people die at an
older age, some at a very young age. But what's important is that they have
lived a good holy life. Your baby, if he/she is going to die at birth, is
sinless and will go to heaven because he/she did not sin. And you will have to
baptise your child as soon as possible after birth…”
Taking
comfort at Fr. Anthony’s words, we knew that we made the right decision not to
abort the child and continue with the pregnancy. The daily Mass scripture
reflections that day also gave me the answer on how to go through this
difficult journey. "When you find it difficult to answer God’s
call to love,remember where you can go to refuel. Jesus is always there for
you. He’s always ready to embrace you, to feed you, and to build you
up." That is what exactly what I needed to do to move
forward. Attend daily Mass from that day onwards to receive the Holy Communion
for strength and nourishment. Yes, there were times when I cried, especially at
the thought of losing the child in my tummy once she was born. However, praying
the rosary every day and attending daily Mass helped me to rely on God greatly
during this difficult period and also maintain a positive outlook in life, with
a smile.
Everyone
around us comforted us and told us that there would be a miracle, but to us,
conceiving baby Raphaelle naturally was already a miracle and we left it to our
Lord to guide us through. 'Thy will be done'. There were also times when
parishioners would come forward and congratulate me on my pregnancy and I
would smile and thank them. We were also very blessed to have our family,
relatives and church friends, including the catechists and the youth from
Antioch to pray for us, and through their prayers, God gave us strength and we
stayed positive and joyful throughout the nine months.
Finally
on 5th August 2015, baby girl Raphaelle was born with a strong heartbeat and
Justin baptised her at the delivery ward. We also had a good number of hours
with her before she was called home to our Lord the next morning, on 6th
August, on the Feast of Transfiguration. What happened next was done very
smoothly as Justin had already made the necessary funeral preparations a month
earlier. Yes, we were devastated that we lost our first child, but at the same
time we were thankful to God that she lived for a good 9 hours and was not
stillborn. We also knew that everything that happened was God’s plan
although we could not understand it at that time. Raphaelle had received the
Sacrament of baptism so she is now a new saint in Heaven. My dearest Saint
Raphaelle.
After
my confinement, we made a trip to Rome in September last year, to visit Fr Remi
and especially to go to the Basilica of Mary Major, whose feast day is
celebrated on 5th August, the same day that Raphaelle was born. We were blessed
to have Fr. Remi to join us on some of the days during our 10-day pilgrimage.
Every church that I went to during the pilgrimage, I prayed fervently that God
will grant us a healthy child soon so that we can also share our joy with our
loved ones, just like any other parents. We also made a Mass intention in
Thanksgiving to our Lord for 6th August (2015) (9.00am Mass) at the Basilica of
Mary Major.
Slightly
more than a month later, exactly a year after I found out I was expecting
Raphaelle, I realised I was pregnant again! Praise the Lord! God had heard our
prayers and shown mercy to us and granted us His blessings! The pregnancy was
confirmed by the gynae during the ultrasound scan on 8th December,
on the feast day of the Immaculate Conception. That reminded us of the words of
Angel Gabriel to Mother Mary at the Annunciation, "For nothing is
impossible with God". So we decided to name our baby after the Archangel
Gabriel, whose means "God is my strength". The pregnancy went
smoothly for the next 9 months and our baby girl Gabrielle (Gabriel + an 'le')
was born on 6th July 2015.
The
interesting thing was that this time with Gabrielle, I was given the same
maternity ward as last year when I had Raphaelle at Mt Alvernia Hospital. I
supposed God wanted us to go through the same process again but with a
different outcome.
This
difficult journey made me a stronger person and brought me much closer to God.
Prior to this experience, I seldom made effort to attend daily Mass
or pray the Rosary often. However, now I learned to rely on God and Mother
Mary through the Eucharist and the Rosary. With the prayers of our friends and
family, I learnt that it is possible to go through suffering with joy and it
taught me that we can be a light of Christ through our suffering as well. And
just as what the Archbishop said earlier at our parish retreat, suffering is
meant for the person to be purified in faith. I thank our Lord Jesus for
purifying Justin’s and my faith.
Now
having our second daughter Gabrielle, and especially conceiving her so quickly
after Raphaelle, showed me that God has great plans for us to be true witnesses
of the faith. We need to always trust Him with His plans even if we don’t
understand them at that moment or think that we will not be able to go through
it.
Remembering
that we actually made a Mass intention in Rome for 6th August 2015 in
Thanksgiving to our Lord, I must say that indeed we give thanks to our Lord for
our baby Raphaelle, remembering her 1-year anniversary on 6th August,
and for the gift of Gabrielle who celebrated her full month on the same day.
Yes, "for nothing is impossible with God". Truly, praise the Lord!
Alleluia.
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