We find peace in God

Yes, with God... We find peace. Amen
And we also find peace when we know that we are blessed by the Lord with many wonderful family members and friends who are always there to support us and love us. It will not be an easy journey to go through for the next few months but with God, we will have peace.

Spirit of the Living God

With our heavy heart, we attended the sunset mass in BSC today and we heard this song sung by the Lumen Christi choir during Holy Communion. Such as apt song for us, in relation to our current situation. Yes, our Lord understands where we are and what we need.

Spirit of the Living God
In all of my trials, in all of my fears
In every situation, in all of my tears
There is one place of refuge, one understanding ear
So I will lift my heart up and this shall be my prayer

Chorus:
Spirit of the living God descend on me
Come and fill my heart and calm my troubled sea
Lord you understand just where I am and what I need
So Spirit of the living God descend on me

So when you're feeling burdened, with all of life's demand
And when you're broken hearted and no one understands
Don't let your heart be troubled with worry or with care
so humbly lift your heart up and let this be your prayer

2nd Opinion

[posted by Eileen]

Justin and I scheduled an appointment today with our former gynaecologist, Dr JJ Chee to seek a 2^nd opinion on the diagnosis of the baby’s condition.

Entering Dr Chee’s clinic brought back memories of those few years of our TTC (Trying To Conceive) journey at The Obstetrics & Gynaecology Centre in Paragon. Dr Chee was very happy to see the both of us and was delighted to hear that I got pregnant naturally, especially she knew very well what we have gone through during our TTC days. However after we updated her on the purpose of our visit, she became quiet and then called her nurse to prepare for the ultrasound.

During the ultrasound, she was solemn and then started to explain to us the images of our baby via the ultrasound and confirmed that our baby indeed has Acrania. After the ultrasound was done, she asked us what were our plans and we told her we decided to keep the pregnancy. Dr Chee then gave us advice on my pregnancy journey for the next few months and to be prepared for congratulatory wishes when my belly starts showing. She also said that natural delivery is preferred to cesarean in such cases.

It was great to see Dr Chee again, felt like seeing with an old friend. Hopefully the next time we meet her, we will be able to share happy news with her instead of the solemn appointment that we just had.

'Life isn't fair, get over it'

[posted by Justin]

We're not angry with God, just hoping that we can be good parents to our unborn child. And since this child is a gift from God, its His right to bring the child home at the time of His choosing. I may not understand why things happen to us but based on my past experiences, I trust in Him to do the right things for us. It'll be difficult but we'll try our best. There's something positive that comes out of this & it is that Eileen is able to conceive naturally and not through artificial means. And if in the future we encounter others in this situation, we can offer our support as we have gone through it.

I used to have a sign in my car, 'Life isn't fair, get over it'. 

I guess that's what God was trying to say to me. Now I get it.

About Anencephaly

Anencephaly is a serious birth defect in which a baby is born without parts of the brain and skull. It is a type of neural tube defect (NTD). These are birth defects that happen during the first month of pregnancy, usually before a woman knows she is pregnant. As the neural tube forms and closes, it helps form the baby’s brain and skull (upper part of the neural tube), spinal cord, and back bones (lower part of the neural tube).

Anencephaly happens if the upper part of the neural tube does not close all the way. This often results in a baby being born without the front part of the brain (forebrain) and the thinking and coordinating part of the brain (cerebrum). The remaining parts of the brain are often not covered by bone or skin. 

There is no known cure or standard treatment for anencephaly. Almost all babies born with anencephaly will die shortly after birth.

Informing the family and friends

[posted by Eileen]

Shocking. Unbelievable. In denial.
We are still in a state of shock to recover from the devastating news we heard today
Why me? Why us? We wonder. We felt so sad and helpless.

Telling our family was the hardest thing to do. My mother-in-law felt weak and my mum's legs went wobbly when they heard the news. My sister wrote a beautiful text message to me to show her support and care, "You have my support....both of you have been faithful and trusting servants, God's hands are upon you and his angels are with you, I know you will walk through this difficult journey with unwavering faith and whatever the outcome, it will lead you both to be even strong witnesses of God! My tears are with you. It is a trying time for us as a family, but we will trust."  

Yes, my sister is right. It will be a trying time for us as a family, and also for our close friends who are supporting us and praying for us right now. We may not understand why this happen to us, but we know everything happens for a reason and it is part of God's plan for us.

Jesus, our life, our strength and our joy

[posted by Eileen]

Today's scripture reflection gave us the answer. "When you find it difficult to answer God’s call to love, remember where you can go to refuel. Jesus is always there for you. He’s always ready to embrace you, to feed you, and to build you up."

That is what exactly what I need to do to move forward. Attend daily mass from now onwards to receive the Holy Communion for strength and nourishment. Look for our Lord Jesus for refuel.

Heartbreaking news

[posted by Eileen]

During the ultrasound today, we were as usual excited to see how the little one is developing, and also heard the loud heartbeat when our gynae placed the fetal doppler on my belly. However, as Dr Ong continued with the ultrasound, his facial expression changed. And he informed us of the bad news... our baby suffers from a rare condition called Acrania (which will normally develop into later stage condition named Anencephaly). It is a rare congenital disorder & it has a 100% fatality rate.  With this condition, the baby will not survive more than hours, at the most days outside the womb once delivered, and Acrania may cause a fetus to spontaneously abort before reaching term.

This was an extremely shocking news for the both of us. While I tried to remain calm at the gynae’s clinic, Justin was unable to withhold his tears. Dr Ong told us the 2 options, 1) to terminate the pregnancy, which he will recommend another gynae for this procedure as he does not do termination of pregnancy due to his beliefs, 2) to continue pregnancy to term and he will journey with us throughout.

Well, we made our decision very quickly. We were both very clear that termination of pregnancy was definitely not an option for us at all because of our religion and faith. So Justin and I decided to go through this difficult journey, even if it means leading to the birth of the baby in July for a few precious moments of the little angel's life.

Dr Ong also stopped all my hormonal injections and tablets from today and we will let nature takes it course. Dr Ong also asked us to see a priest who we are close to so that he can give us some spiritual guidance.

After leaving Dr Ong's clinic, we went to Blessed Sacrament Church, where we have been serving there since we were teenagers, to look for Fr Anthony Hutjes. Though it was his off day, he didn't hesitate to see us. When we were seated in his office, he asked us what has happened and we told him. And he said, "I am sorry to hear of your situation. I was very happy to know that Eileen is pregnant and I can see during the past few weeks, the both of you very happy and smiling when I saw both of you in church. However, whatever I am going to tell you, is what you already know I am going to say to you. But let me tell you nonetheless because that's what you needed to hear."

"Everyone will have to die someday. Some people die at an older age, some at a very young age. But what's important is that they have lived a good holy life. Your baby, if she is going to die at birth, is sinless and will go to heaven because she did not sin. And you will have to baptise her as soon as possible after birth, and I am sure Justin will do a good job of it. And if time permits, you can come to the church and one of the priests here will go and baptise her at the hospital. Both of you are good catholics and I am sure your faith will sustain you in this time of need. I will be praying for both of you."